Sunday, May 9, 2010

Sometimes...

I think about things that are way beyond my control.

I was taught when I was little to "treat others the way you have been treated." Thats what my parents drilled into my head. I want to believe that I have always tried to be the best mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend that I could possible be.

I can admit that I sometimes have made mistakes, and done things that I should have done, but who hasnt right? Its just a part of life. Noone is perfect so why pretend to be? At the beginning of this year, all the walls I have put up for the people that wronged me. I broke down. I said sorry to those people, and I think in some way people wondered why. Its because I dont want to feel what I feel now.. We are never promised tomorrow, so why live life that way?

We shouldn't let what other people think of us, dertermine the things we do or the decisions we make, BUT it does. For me at least! The problem for me is, I want to help everyone in every way I possibly can. I want everyone to like me for me. It bothers the hell out of me when someone judges me before they know me. I guess in reality not everyone will understand or even agree with the decisions I make. You cant make everyone like you, I guess? Just feels as almost a let down for me. Like I failed at something??

Living the "NAVY" life, there are all these hardships with friendship. I just cant grasp my hand around it, or my heart for that matter. To be completly honest I can only think of two girls thats been consistantly there for me throughout it all. One being in the navy and one not being in the navy. Dont get me wrong I have friends, but sometimes I really wonder why were even friends at all? Sometimes they are there for me and other times I think im just forgotten. Kinda sad I say it like that but its true. I guess it just bothers me more than it should. I dont understand how some girls can be so mean, and spiteful. I could never do, or say for that matter somethings like that about someone that I was once good friends with. I just gotta learn that in the end im not the one that will have to judge them for all the wrong they have done.

.......what im getting at is it makes me feel like a horrible person. Wonder what im doing so wrong as a friend to deserve it? Maybe I just try to hard?

At the end of the day, regardless of the people that like me or dont, my job is to still have a smile on my face, and still be the best mom, wife, and friend I can be....I am very thankful for those 2 I mentioned before. I have laughed, and cried many times with them and I will hold them so close to my heart..<3
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I hope everyone has a great mothers day. I will post tomorrow morning about my wonderful presents I got :)

Thanks for joining us in this journey we call life.

2 comments:

Amanda♥Lynne said...

Hey dear-frist off you haven't failed at anything because not everyone likes you. Yes, everyone wants everyone to like them. But the fact of the matter is that people are different. They have different likes and dislikes. They have different ways of doing things, and different ways they think things ought to be done. No one person in this world can be liked by everyone, because everyone is just so different. I suggest that maybe you try to find comfort in three facts, instead of finding comfort in everyone liking you. One, find comfort in the fact that you were the best you. If at the end of the day, you think back on your actions with other people and you think to yourself, yep-I would have liked to be treated that way...then find comfort in that. How other people choose to take it from there is up to them! Two, find comfort that you DO have those two friends you can think of. That's actually a true blessing. I know there are some people that can't even say that. Maybe those two people you can think of are people you should focus more of your time on. If they have proven to be people that pop up in your mind like that, maybe those are the people that really deep down love you for who you are, and won't dissapoint you. Find comfort in them. And third, and I know it sounds cheesey-but I just do not care, but find comfort in Jesus. He is someone who will always be there, when friendships fail, realtionships fall apart, when your world just crashes down around you and there doesn't seem to be anyone or anything to hope for-he's there. He'll never leave you. He'll never dissapoint you.

Just my two cents. Love you ma'am. Hope you have an oober lovely mother's day!! And I hope your friend troubles clear up for you!!

♥ Kate ♥ said...

Lelia...ALWAYS remember how much of an AMAZING woman you are!!! I am sooo LUCKY to have met you and have you in my life because i KNOW you are going to be such a big help and uplifting person to have in my life when i am going thru my first deployment and dealing with Matthew being gone and missing so much stuff with Lily. I have learned the hard way that there are so many fake manipulative girls out there who gain some sort of sick pleasure from hurting others and going behind peoples backs but just remember that you are better than them and screw them if they dont like you cause you are the bigger better and more MATURE person. You are an amazing mother and an all around amazing person. and you better remember that even though i moved so soon after we met i am ALWAYS here for you no matter what...any time day or night!!! I <3 you and dont let ANYONE make you feel badly about yourself cause you are wonderful!!!