I think about things that are way beyond my control.
I was taught when I was little to "treat others the way you have been treated." Thats what my parents drilled into my head. I want to believe that I have always tried to be the best mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend that I could possible be.
I can admit that I sometimes have made mistakes, and done things that I should have done, but who hasnt right? Its just a part of life. Noone is perfect so why pretend to be? At the beginning of this year, all the walls I have put up for the people that wronged me. I broke down. I said sorry to those people, and I think in some way people wondered why. Its because I dont want to feel what I feel now.. We are never promised tomorrow, so why live life that way?
We shouldn't let what other people think of us, dertermine the things we do or the decisions we make, BUT it does. For me at least! The problem for me is, I want to help everyone in every way I possibly can. I want everyone to like me for me. It bothers the hell out of me when someone judges me before they know me. I guess in reality not everyone will understand or even agree with the decisions I make. You cant make everyone like you, I guess? Just feels as almost a let down for me. Like I failed at something??
Living the "NAVY" life, there are all these hardships with friendship. I just cant grasp my hand around it, or my heart for that matter. To be completly honest I can only think of two girls thats been consistantly there for me throughout it all. One being in the navy and one not being in the navy. Dont get me wrong I have friends, but sometimes I really wonder why were even friends at all? Sometimes they are there for me and other times I think im just forgotten. Kinda sad I say it like that but its true. I guess it just bothers me more than it should. I dont understand how some girls can be so mean, and spiteful. I could never do, or say for that matter somethings like that about someone that I was once good friends with. I just gotta learn that in the end im not the one that will have to judge them for all the wrong they have done.
.......what im getting at is it makes me feel like a horrible person. Wonder what im doing so wrong as a friend to deserve it? Maybe I just try to hard?
At the end of the day, regardless of the people that like me or dont, my job is to still have a smile on my face, and still be the best mom, wife, and friend I can be....I am very thankful for those 2 I mentioned before. I have laughed, and cried many times with them and I will hold them so close to my heart..<3
I hope everyone has a great mothers day. I will post tomorrow morning about my wonderful presents I got :)
Thanks for joining us in this journey we call life.