Monday, June 14, 2010


So guys first off I wanna say thanks for all the prayers and support Peyton, and her family. I know they are very much appreciated. Peyton passed away saturday at 4. Its so hard to understand. I know that everything happens for a reason. Just sometimes I cant wrap my head around it.

She was my flower girl :)
RIP baby girl! You are truely loved and missed by many.

I myself have always been a worrier, I think about things I shouldnt all the time. I thought for sure when brandon came home, it would help ease my mind a little, and it had. I was doing fine untill all this happend. Now its amplified by like 10.

I worry about not waking up.
I worry about getting in a accident.
I worry about something happening to lys or brandon.
I worry about all my friends...
I worry about my sister leading the wrong path

This isnt healthy for me.. and its kinda my dark place. I dont know if time will make it smooth back out, or I need to go talk to someone about it. I have prayed, and gave all my fears to the lord, yet I still have this fear weighing on my chest. If I let my self I could even possibly just cry cause im so scared of anything that could possibly happen. It wouldnt help that im a emotional person anyways now would it.

Im not always this bad, and sometimes I can go weeks and not even really let this get to me. I really just think this happening it has brought it back up and maganfied it.


Yesterday I was holding my friend amandas adorbale very new bundle of joy, she was so beautiful and tiny. It was something I had never felt before the great weight of the loss of peyton, the complete joy of this new perfect baby. It was a moment I will never forget.

We have decided that we are going to take lyss to see toy story 3 with Mandi and her sweet little family. I am pretty sure we are going to wait a little so that its not so croweded.

Till then, thats all thanks for joining us in this journey we call life.


Kandid Kelli said...

I am just as bad as you when it comes to the worrying. When I was 10 my dad got me a worry stone. A stone you rub when you worry. How bad is that?

So you're not alone. I was a wreck when I was preg. with E b/c they kept telling me she was "too small" she was 100% healthy when she was born. Just a tiny baby.

Sorry about Peyton, All of you will be in my T&P this week. Once they have the autopsy results email me...

Love ya girl.


Katie said...

I am so, so sorry about Peyton. You will all be in my prayers this week.

♥ Kate ♥ said...

Lelia, i will be thinking about you and praying for you during this INCREDIBLY hard time. and know that i am here for you for ANYTHING you need. I am quite the worrier myself and the littlest thing can escalte my worry-level so i know how you feel. Love you darling!! <3