April...2011

So, its been about a month since I was last here.

Its crazy how times flies really.

This past month, lets see...

Ive had a few heartbreaks, and let downs...

for the most part been about 80% anxiety free.. WOO HOO..

Lys dislocated her arm again, and had her first major visit to the er...

I went out dancing ONCE.. lol

Took lys to a easter egg hunt, and she had no idea what to do..

I PAID the car off.. WOO HOO!!

Locked our self out the apt, so untill we got inside had a great time enjoying the beautiful weather...

Stopped seein my therapist, he makes me feel worse about myself..

We went to see disney on ice again this year..

We attended a beautiful wedding..

Dyed the hurrr :)

Got a new bunny because ours died had to go help the easter bunny deliver eggs.

got some new coach glasses..

also my first pair of actual seeing glasses.. Im getting old I know..

And went to gainesville, ALOT.

It sure has been a interesting month. I really cant wait to see what my future holds, cause lord knows I dont know. Im just taking things day by day. Lys is still the best thing EVER, I really couldnt imagine my life without her. She has been driving me a little nuts lately thou, I hear it comes with the age thou. All the questions, and rebellion. Shes a handful thats fo sho.

Heres a few pic off my phone :)

 

I have alot more pics on my camera for my few frames a week, and I just never post them. Maybe I will get on the tonight :)

Thanks for joining us in this journey we call life.

Post.. 100 :)

Wow.. Its amazing how time flies! Today as I was logging on to my account to resume my 30 days of me, I noticed that The next blog I posted would be post 100. Which means alot to me :)

I wish that I would have done something big like a contest or a drawing, or SOMETHING to show how thankful I am for all the readers that I have (even though lots of u dont "follow" me or leave me comments) I know your there "lerking" :)

So as this being post 100, Im going to give you a little rundown this little journey I have enbarked on, and tell you how I do love this little "home" I have in the world wide web.

This year was my 4 year mark on being married... This year is the year that I moved out on my own... This year my sweet baby is a romping 2 y/o that looks like her daddy and has a attitude like me... This year I was actually in my first real accident... This year I let alot of hurt and anger go, I have accepted the fact that people make mistakes, and they all need to be forgiven... This year I have made really good friends, and I have lost really good friends...This year I went back to work for the first time in 2 years...  This year is more than half way over, and although I dont know how this year will end up, I know that at this moment in time all my decisions feels like the right thing to do. This crap isnt easy, but noone said that it would be. Believe it or not its the little things thats the hardest; "putting" things away for lys. (AKA daddys dog tags, a white sailor hat.) Im not one for change, and living in a house thats not the house i have lived in for basically 4 years is quite harder than I thought that it would be. Hopefully everything will settle with time.

I have come to be so open to my blog, It feels so good to be about to write, and let all my feelings out at any given time. I love to log on to blogger.com, and read about everyone and see lots of fun little things on all my friends blog. Most of all I love knowing that whatever is going on in my little world is right here. Whenever things needs to be rememberd more than likely here in this little "home" I have is where its kept :)

Thanks again everyone for all the support and love :)

Thanks for joining us in this journey we call life.

Pepsi & Sweet Sixteen......

*Make a GREAT combo for breakfast :)

*So I think that I forgot to mention that saturday i got stung by something.. what I have no Idea , but it hurt like HELL!!

I almost wanted to cry, and to top it off I didnt do anything.. The low life bug was just wanted to commit a hate crime, and I hope it died..

This was my leg.. 2 days later

And today it looks like a HUGE bruise.. All the ladies at work says that it was a allergic reaction. :( So I guess now im offically allergic to wasp thing stings. AHH

* So I have ran into another parenting problem. I hope its just not me either..  At the age of 2, alyssa is a great little girl. She is smart, and sweet, and funny, BUT sometimes I guess the "terrible two's" come out. To be quite honest I dont really know what to do when we are in public. When we are at home and nothing works, I take her to her bedroom tell her that since she cant listen then she gets to sit to herself for a min. Although she kicks and screams and yells and can open her own door she doesnt like it, she actually sits there and deals with it. I then go get her, and talk to her about it, and she actually listens for like the rest of the day. Its pure bliss actually. As soon as we go out in public though she acts so bad now..You know gets in the clothes rack and hides, and I try my best to tell her no, and to act right but eventally it always turns out the same. Along the lines of me or daddy dragging her out the store kicking, and trying to talk to her about her behavior as she bucking, and telling us no.

SO ANYONE PLEASE HELP!!

LOL

*So I have so been slacking on my 101. I need someone to get my butt in gear!

*I really wish my hubby would stop thinking we are going to make thousands of dollars from moving ourselves. I think hes crazy, and would really like for him to make up his mind on what he wants to do.

*I am SUPER excited about my sat morning with Mandi :) I will have to tell you all about what we are going to do MONDAY.. due to the lack of internet at out house.. Gotta love me some AT&T.. they have been the best service providers EVER...... NOT!!!

*Peytons services will be: Wednesday at 6 is the viewing.

                                     Thursday at 11 is the funeral.

(This will be probley one of the hardest things I will have to do, so please keep the prayers rolling. There are some family issues going on, so the family can still use LOTS of prayers right now.)

*Lunch?!? Chinese or pizza?!? The decisions contine..

Till then thanks for joining us in this journey we call life.

.......

So guys first off I wanna say thanks for all the prayers and support Peyton, and her family. I know they are very much appreciated. Peyton passed away saturday at 4. Its so hard to understand. I know that everything happens for a reason. Just sometimes I cant wrap my head around it.

She was my flower girl :)

RIP baby girl! You are truely loved and missed by many.

I myself have always been a worrier, I think about things I shouldnt all the time. I thought for sure when brandon came home, it would help ease my mind a little, and it had. I was doing fine untill all this happend. Now its amplified by like 10.

I worry about not waking up.

I worry about getting in a accident.

I worry about something happening to lys or brandon.

I worry about all my friends...

I worry about my sister leading the wrong path

This isnt healthy for me.. and its kinda my dark place. I dont know if time will make it smooth back out, or I need to go talk to someone about it. I have prayed, and gave all my fears to the lord, yet I still have this fear weighing on my chest. If I let my self I could even possibly just cry cause im so scared of anything that could possibly happen. It wouldnt help that im a emotional person anyways now would it.

Im not always this bad, and sometimes I can go weeks and not even really let this get to me. I really just think this happening it has brought it back up and maganfied it.

ENOUGHT ABOUT THAT

Yesterday I was holding my friend amandas adorbale very new bundle of joy, she was so beautiful and tiny. It was something I had never felt before the great weight of the loss of peyton, the complete joy of this new perfect baby. It was a moment I will never forget.

We have decided that we are going to take lyss to see toy story 3 with Mandi and her sweet little family. I am pretty sure we are going to wait a little so that its not so croweded.

Till then, thats all thanks for joining us in this journey we call life.

I said one thing and now...

I am doing another

Why hello hello, there Tuesday! Time sure does fly by doesn't it? So I know that everyone out these has said/done this.. especially parents.

I would never let my kid do that..

I would whoop her butt if she done that..

I cant believe she lets her child so that.. never in my house..

Well ladies and gents I can announce that this face right here..

HAS BROKEN ME DOWN!!

I officially am a part time co-sleeper.

I NEVER thought that I would give in to it, and when I mean part time. I mean she gets out her room, and comes and gets in our bed at like 5-30, 6ish, and then sleeps with us till we wake up. I just realized that with everything going on with peyton, somethings like this I just have to let go.. It actually is kinda nice to see this sweet face cuddled with her blankie when I first open my eyes.

I just cant help but let her come on it, and have some lovie, cuddle time :)

***********

On another note.. Yesterday daddy started trying to teach lys to ride her bike..

It was so cute, and I think she really WANTS to learn. After so long though she didn't wanna no more.. so mama hopped on and she wanted to push me. I guess that's fun at 2. So we were going down a bump and daddy decided to help, then

 CRASH, BOOM, CRACK...

MAMA BROKE THE BIKE HORN :(

I was quite sad so we had to put the bike up because the plastic was all sharp and daddy wanted to fix it before she rides it again.

********

One last thing.. yesterday when the hubbs and I were talking about my birthday lyssa informed me that it was her birthday tooo..

SO I guess I get to share my birthday with her, as well as everything else.. I LOVE IT!! :)

Peyton is still bad, she had a 107 fever the other day and her brain began to swell the docs are thinking shes going to walk or talk if she wakes up..... so please keep praying for her....

Thanks for joining us in this journey we call life.

Wednesday June 2nd

Was what I knew as a normal day. Lyssa started waking up at 3:30 all of a sudden, but noting else was different. Or so I thought...

I grew up in Brantley county.. there I still have a select few of friends. Some I'm close to others I still have in my heart, but don't get to talk to them regularly. It is amazing to me how we can be bff's with someone when we are young, and be with them everyday but slowly grow apart. Ending up living totally different lives. That's just how life goes though.

My good friend Seleta, we are that.. we use to be so close. Always together, never apart...
.ANY HOODLE
Life happened, decisions made and she got prego, Peyton carter was born. She was a beautiful baby girl.

(This is Peyton with Alyssa, when she was a baby)

I wasn't around much, and I wish that I was around more. I guess with the things that happened I couldn't do much about it..

Today Ms. Peyton Carter is in a Coma on life support. No one not even the doctors know what happened or why, or even know how to make her better. She was always healthy, and full of life. It was a sudden shock to everyone. I ask for everyone prayers, for her and all the family.

Today when u go home, just hug and love the people that mean the most to you. You never know what the future holds. I know that when I got home yesterday from being there at the hospital I held my baby a little longer and wept. I am just so thankful for her in my life. I cant imagine the great deal of pain this family is going threw to have you baby one minute, and for her to be so sick the next.

I will keep everyone update as I know info, but till then again, please just pray that everything will turn around and she will again be a healthy and happy little girl and live a long a prosperous life.

Friday Smriday.. :)

Ahh.. the feeling of waking up on a friday, knowing that you have the whole weekend..

*off work

*to send with your loved ones

*to do as you wish..

The best feeling to get home.. for me anyways starting about this time I start getting ansy:( Sadly

This week went by pretty fast. We had a good family day yesterday. Although I wasnt feelin well all day, I came home to a clean house, and the hubby already on dinner. :) After dinner we picked up, and then went for a lovely walk with sasha. She was SOO good. I couldnt believe it. Brandon said that she was just chilling my back and shoulders smelling and playin with my hair :) Makes me so happy to know that shes coming around. We are still trying to figure out when we are going to get the other baby. :( We then took a fun trip to taco bell at 12. HA HA yes we did that. Lyssa wasnt even to upset we woke her. LOL It was SO SO good :)

This weekend, brandon is taking me out on a date saturday... Should be fun fun. :) Then sunday our friend is coming over for dinner. Thats exciting as well. Other than that nothing too much is going on around the gallardo house. :)

Im reading this new book, its the one that supposdly the she army wives was written about. : Under the Sabers the unwiteen code of army wives. So far it is quite interesting.

Just wanna share a quick passage from it...

"They will say the wife is a snob if she is quite, a slut if she talks to guys, and vain if she wears fashionable clothing. If she works she doesnt participate in unit functions-well, then the word is , She's got her own life and the marriage is not going to last.

Isnt it true.. People even me at times can be so quick to judge..

Alright thats all for now......thats for joining us in this journey we call life.

Sometimes...

I think about things that are way beyond my control.

I was taught when I was little to "treat others the way you have been treated." Thats what my parents drilled into my head. I want to believe that I have always tried to be the best mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend that I could possible be.

I can admit that I sometimes have made mistakes, and done things that I should have done, but who hasnt right? Its just a part of life. Noone is perfect so why pretend to be? At the beginning of this year, all the walls I have put up for the people that wronged me. I broke down. I said sorry to those people, and I think in some way people wondered why. Its because I dont want to feel what I feel now.. We are never promised tomorrow, so why live life that way?

We shouldn't let what other people think of us, dertermine the things we do or the decisions we make, BUT it does. For me at least! The problem for me is, I want to help everyone in every way I possibly can. I want everyone to like me for me. It bothers the hell out of me when someone judges me before they know me. I guess in reality not everyone will understand or even agree with the decisions I make. You cant make everyone like you, I guess? Just feels as almost a let down for me. Like I failed at something??

Living the "NAVY" life, there are all these hardships with friendship. I just cant grasp my hand around it, or my heart for that matter. To be completly honest I can only think of two girls thats been consistantly there for me throughout it all. One being in the navy and one not being in the navy. Dont get me wrong I have friends, but sometimes I really wonder why were even friends at all? Sometimes they are there for me and other times I think im just forgotten. Kinda sad I say it like that but its true. I guess it just bothers me more than it should. I dont understand how some girls can be so mean, and spiteful. I could never do, or say for that matter somethings like that about someone that I was once good friends with. I just gotta learn that in the end im not the one that will have to judge them for all the wrong they have done.

.......what im getting at is it makes me feel like a horrible person. Wonder what im doing so wrong as a friend to deserve it? Maybe I just try to hard?

At the end of the day, regardless of the people that like me or dont, my job is to still have a smile on my face, and still be the best mom, wife, and friend I can be....I am very thankful for those 2 I mentioned before. I have laughed, and cried many times with them and I will hold them so close to my heart..<3

..............................

I hope everyone has a great mothers day. I will post tomorrow morning about my wonderful presents I got :)

Thanks for joining us in this journey we call life.

ranting.. yes again!

So.. here it is 4 weeks till brandon comes home.

4 weeks :o

Oh me OH my!!

Its just so nerve racking everything thats been going on this deployment. To have help again, to have someone that I have to share with, and clean up after. To have someone other than me disicipline my child. This is something that every military wife has to think about and go threw when there spouse comes home. Its a very hard adjustment. 

Not only do I have these things to go threw, brandon and I have a ways to go to fix our marriage. I just hope that everything works out for the best. We are far from perfect thats for damn sure. I just wish that I could go to sleep and all the problems be solved, and all my questions be answered. I dont wanna think about the past or the things that [WE] as a married couple has endured, but I ask myself how can I move on with the future if my past still lingers in front of me. We will just have to crawl...and I just have to swallow my pride, and pray and put everything in gods hands.

The last book I was reading was called redeeming love, and in the book there was a wish box.? (I will have to look back in the book, and find the correct name)  Its where everything that was out of her control, she wrote it down on a piece of paper and placed it in the box. Kinda like just giving all the problems to god. Its perfect for someone like me that likes to be in control, its kinda of a better way to give him your problems or unanswered questions.

ANYWAYS

 I swear I have went to hell and back within the past 5 months. I have overcome so many obsticals this time. I have definaly become a stronger person. I have learned, and I have grew. I have hurt, and cried many, many tears. I have had to overcome many obsticles that I have feared for years. I feel like I have grew to amazing new heights, and within it all I have found me again. I hope to continue on this path.. I knew this year was going to be great, and I cant wait to see whats in store for me, and my lys too of course. I cant/wouldnt want to go anywhere without her.

Anyways thanks for listening--or reading-- :) On that note heres my pretty before school today & yesterday, and yes make up AGAIN? really???

thanks for joining us in This journey we call life

A little update!!

Hello lovely family and friends :)

I just wanted to send everyone a lovely little update about our crazy, hecktic, busy, BUT amazingly beautiful life.

Things are flowing right along. Brandon comes home soon and Im very anxious, and scared, and nervous about things are going to pan out when he reterns. He found out last week on Thursday that he offically got the orders to Jacksonville, NC. We knew thats where he had put them in, but didnt know for sure that we were going there. Now we have to report by Oct 1st. Ahh its so bitter sweet. Going somewhere new, taking that step to another life with my family. But im leaving everything I know. My family will be 8 hours away. Never been that far that I cant get mad at my husband and threaten to pack my shit when times get tough. HA HA, I know I know... But we have all done it before dont pretend u havent.

I have made a life here, I have friends so close I KNOW they will be friends for life. I just dont know how to deal well with losing them. I feel like I have to pick up and start all over. I just hope everything works out for the best.

As of today im gonna make a tiny timeline of upcoming events that I need to remember to keep up with. Maybe it will help cause damnit, a calander dont. I never pull it out enough I always forget. UGH.. IM so a shitty friend at remembering birthdays as well :( Anywas im gonna add a few new pics of ms. Lyss loo!

Shes getting so big and smart, with a tid bit of the powell attitude. This morning It was like 6:30. Those of you that dont know. Alyssa still doesnt know how to open the doors, and that is alright with me. Well when she wakes up she peeks under the door and she can see me. Well she was yelling. MOMMY.. GET UP! Over and over and over... I finally said(with bed hair, and im sure a grumpy frog tone{cause my voice is practicly GONE}) "No, Mommy is sick and wants ever bit of sleep she can get. NOW you go back to your bed missy." And she does it. I never thought it would really work.. but she done it. The other evening she wanted me to read this book OVER AND OVER AND OVER.. so Finally after the bumteenthin MILLION (or what it seemed like). I told her to go read to carli and she done it.. HA HA She has NOT been wanting to talk on the phone to nana and papa lately. Nope... only a snack will make her do the what seems to be dirty work. Shes doing fairly well with potty training. I always hope to see her in the clothes I drop her off in at day care in the evenings.. Seems like 4 out of the 5 days thats what it is.. SO thats good right? So what if she has 1 or 2 accidents a week, shes still early and I think shes doing pretty damn good if U ask me. She is talking so much. I love to hear her tell me "ite der, mommy(right there)" Ahh she uses her way of what is suppose to be a pointy finger. A few days ago she told me she was sleepy right as it was bed time.. AHHH pure bliss. Since we pray everynight shes catching on the prayer, and beginning to say it more with me :) Ahh enough about that I could go on for hours about that pretty. :)

Anyways thanks for joining us in this journey we call life.

My yesterday phone call..

I was thankfully driving home yesterday from work, just buzzin along listening to my music and my phone rang. It was my deployed husband♥.. and so like any militay wife with a depolyed husband I answered the phone asap with a huge grin on my face. We were talking about the new job and how alyssa was doing and all the drama thats going on around this place, and that danged boat.

We then started talking about christmas and how crappy it was that they were coming home, and everything. Then he told me that he had sent alyssa and I some cards in the mail, and I didnt realize it at first but then started thinking about it...I didnt give him any cards to send out!?! So I asked him about it. Well he informed me that some schools and other places put together these boxes for the deployed sailors. Now, I knew this random act of kindness happend all over the world, but never has anything ever like this happend to us.

I just wanted to say thanks, to anyone out there who has participated in something like this. Just the simple fact that he can send our baby girl a birthday card, really moved me. I know she doesnt understand but one day when she does we can bring it back out and show her. So thank you again for amazing me in         
    this journey we call life...